i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize