i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
