drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
