this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
