I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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