where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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