Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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