absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
