Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
