im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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