At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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