i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
