Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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