Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
