I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
