I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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