Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
