what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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