No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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