Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
