Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
