remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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