She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
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He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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