could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
