I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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