Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
