the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
