guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
