That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
