So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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