now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
