yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
