3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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