I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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