from now on my penis is your penis
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
