U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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