And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
