Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
