I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
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Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse