Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP