He uses pillows to masturbate.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
