all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
