woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
