I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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