plz talk dirty to me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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