he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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