Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
