Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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