i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
