I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
