Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize