remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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