my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
