i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem