i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
