I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
