In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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