I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
