she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize