I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
