when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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