i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
