thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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