I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
