It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The air taste purple.
Randomize
