I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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