I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
