Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
