Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
