i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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