He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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