that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize