# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
