I molested 6 butterflies tonight
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
