On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Randomize
