if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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