you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
ok first of all what the fuck
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
