I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
