I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
