puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
