im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
