That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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