I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
