I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
