Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
True strength comes from lack of pants
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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