The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She's the barista slut.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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