I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
