ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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