for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
