Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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